The Chemo Strikes Back

So it's been a little more than 3 months since I finished my 3rd and final Chemotherapy treatment.  I realize that I haven't really kept this blog as updated and current as I originally intended, but what can I say, things come up.  Something that I didn't anticipate is that chemo would wipe me out to the point that i could barely form a coherent sentence, much less type it out.  During the times between treatments when I was feeling better, I didn't really feel like reliving it.  So I guess this will sort of be a bookend post, seeing as my treatment is completed.  I will still try to post updates on here if anything comes up that I think people should know.
    This last week I was given the all clear from my oncologist and put back on the program of surveillance that I was on last winter/spring.  There is no signs of the cancer anywhere and so I'm as cured as it is possible to be at this stage.  I guess it'll be five years of clean tests and scans before I can know for sure but even at this point the probabilities of anything showing up are close to zero.  It's interesting to me that I still worry about it sometimes.  I guess when you roll snake eyes enough times in a row, you start to believe it's a lot more likely to happen the next time, even though you know logically that it is just as unlikely as it always was.
     So adversity is a great teacher, and I think I learned a few things about myself through this experience.  I learned that the human body is an incredible machine.  A lot of things can go really wrong simultaneously inside you but you keep on tickin'.   Someone told me while I was in treatment that if you are breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong with you.  I agree with that.  The will to survive is an incredible force, and I was fortunate to have a pretty certain chance for successful treatment. It's interesting when you spend whole days in a treatment center seeing and meeting people worse off than you.  You decide to count your blessings and be grateful. 
      Another thing I learned is that there is a lot going on inside your own head that can effect how you are physically.  I think we don't pay enough attention to what we think about ourselves.  I came to realize that I spent a lot of energy judging myself and resisting the events of my life, even before the cancer.  I found out, upon introspection, that I had a habit of second-guessing myself at almost every turn.  It's really not a mentally healthy way to go through life.  Maybe the most valuable thing I gained from this is the opportunity reset my thinking and experience life in a new way.  I look forward to the next thing, whatever it is.  It's gotta be better than the last thing right?  Maybe.  Well, I guess I'm just glad there's going to be a next thing.